I don't dance the NLD dance anymore

Hello loyal readers,

I have news for you that you probably won't know what to do with or how to take it. Which is fine because I don't really know what to do with it or how to take it.

I have been rediagnosed with Aspergers, and it is with this news and the steady decline in my enthusiasm for posting here that i have made a decision. This blog was made with the intention of raising awareness for NLD and providing a venting place for one rather lonely twelvey who had just started high school in the middle of nowhere.

That lonely twelvey is now eighteen years old. An adult in the views of the world and as she has decided that she has outgrown this blog. I will still be blogging in my new blog A small view of the world but not to raise awareness this new blog is for me in general not just one part of me.

Thankyou for journeying with me and do not think for a moment that NLD awareness has stopped just because i have. 

unexpected

i haven't posted on this blog in a long time i know, surprising since for four years i diligently posted at least once a month. For a while i just felt like i'd run out of things to say, of ways to inspire people and raise awareness.

Its hard to do, I won't tell you its not, but i'm halfway through year 12 and I know i can do hard stuff. Next week i'm going to take my Learners test and finally starting to learn to drive. I'm worried i'll kill someone but with some luck i hopefully won't.

Some people with NLD choose not to drive because its too scary and its hard. I chose to wait a few more years then I needed to because i was hoping my hand eye coordination would catch up in those few years. It hasn't but i'm going to do it anyway. Or at least i'm going to try.

I'm doing a drama production in two weeks, its bigger then anything i've ever done and i think its going to be great. Life is like a big play after all and it seems to be going alright.

Settling

Settling into this new life now. First terms almost over and we've moved into our house. Still not sure if I've made any friends but I'm working on it. Or trying to at least.

Set up my IEP at school just waiting for teachers to start using it i guess. Sometimes I get to scared to go to the year 12 common room so i go to the library.

I feel really upset with myself when I chicken out of going in there. I was never scared at my old school i knew I had the right to be in there and I would be able to find a seat.

When I try to go to the one in my new school my legs freeze up and I feel like everyone is staring at me. I feel like i can't breathe and the amount of noise in there makes me feel like i can't think. So I usually turn around and walk out.

I like the library, its quiet and cold and if i go to the back corner no one will know I'm there. When I walk among the shelves looking for a book i feel myself relax. Books are much nicer then people and they smell better. If i could stay in the library all day i would.

Relocation

So we moved and it was ok because I was on holidays so i didn't have to see the house get packed up. I go to a new school now, compared to my old school its huge! I get lost all the time but I'm getting used to it.

There are a lot of year 12s so many i can't count them but there are lots of girls and they all introduced themselves to me at the same time so i can't really remember their names.

They are pretty nice though and even though we aren't besties they let me sit with them. I don't always sit with them though cause the library is so big that sometimes i have to go and look at all the books! They are so cool.

I have to catch two buses to get to and back from school and i do not like it. I don't know why I don't but i don't. I guess I just have to get used to it.

When we get our new house i want to get a new cat because i miss Maple. I want to get a ragdoll and i want to name it Jinx.

This year I'm going to have an 18th birthday party! Wow when I started this blog i was 13 and now I'm almost 18. When I started this blog i wanted to be really popular with 100s of people reading it each day.

Obviously that hasn't happened and may never happen but at least my message is out there so if some confused teen is looking for information, they'll have somewhere to look and someone to ask.